The Voice Within

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I’m probably the loudest, most talkative, crazy person I know. In fact I’m probably the loudest, most talkative, crazy person most of my friends know too. I’m very comfortable in my own skin and I’m confident in my abilities..

 

So why do I have this little voice inside saying ‘your shit and they know it’ ???

 

As I advise the Senior Marketing Director of a huge UK Company how to spend his $10m this year (the day job) I’m wondering if he’s looking at Me and thinking ‘what the fuck is she talking about’…

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As I post my Clean PR on Instagram I’m wondering if everyone else noticed the shitty first pull and the struggle to stand it up…

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As I stand in front of a class of 10 eager CrossFit athletes and take them through their workout for the day I’m wondering if they’re looking at Me and thinking ‘who is she and what has she actually done that’s gonna make me better, and fuuuuck please stop talking (I talk alot)’

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I leave parties, presentations, training, coaching, conversations and every single time there is a little voice in the back of my head saying “you should of done better, you shouldn’t of said that, you need to be better”

 

You know I haven’t a clue where it came from and this blog is not about how I’ve overcome it, if nothing else I suppose this is about admitting it and figuring out how I’m gonna knock it on the head. I know enough to know that this little voice I’m talking about is self-doubt and I know there is only really one time in my life that I don’t hear the voice (half way through a killer metcon) but other than that I’m not sure what to do really!

 

I also wonder does anyone else have this annoying little voice and how are they overcoming it, do you ever overcome it? I think it’s always been there for Me but maybe I’m starting to notice it more, you see I blog alot about self-belief/acceptance, I do ‘motivational’ talks these days too so I think now I’m taking a harder look at Myself – am I practicing what I preach?

 

90% of the time – YES

 

But that 10% – Fuuuuuuuuck NO

 

So now what?

 

Well I’ve decided that I’m gonna have a little chat with my Self Doubt and figure out how to get rid of it.

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Funnily enough the first thing I’ve done/am doing is to ask for feedback – this is fucking scary! Feedback means I’m gonna hear things I don’t wanna hear – so ‘hey Coach, what are my weaknesses and how do I get better’ ‘hey Boss how was that presentation I just did’ ‘hey Team do you get value from Me coaching you, what can I do better’?

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Secondly: I’m going to accept Myself exactly how I am, right now in this moment, firmly in the belief that no I am not the best but I am absolutely the best version of Myself I can be right now.

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Thirdly: I’m going to start meditation, URGH this is gonna be a hard one. I have always considered this something that people do if they are 1 – hippies or 2 – broken. I’m neither. But I’m told by some very very awesome people that this is an amazing way of helping your self belief (and a tonne of other stuff too!)

 

So…this is kinda a phase 1 of a blog I guess, I’m not sure how it’s gonna end up or if I’ll ever get rid of that niggly little voice but I will keep you updated and most of all I would love if you would share with Me your experiences, your feedback and your journey to self-belief!

 

Michelle X

 

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