Weightlifting is a fucker of a sport. Im learning this more so than ever recently! No matter what level you’re at – on any give day – your usual warm up weight will all of a sudden chew you up and spit you out, generally leaving you shocked, in disbelief and wondering what the fuck just happened.
It’s pretty hard for me to write this blog today as I’m feeling defeated, tired, and I left the gym in tears after my last PT session. ALL my lifts were chewing me up and spitting me out the other end, lifts I can usually do for double like this one..URGH….
We train ourselves to try and brush off these dips, deep down we know they happen and we generally come good when we need too. In fact I’m pretty sure I’ve felt like this a number of times since I started competing. That all out doom, the big black cloud hanging over my head telling me I’m done, I’ve lost my strength, my technique has gone to shit, my head spinning and going in full on freak out mode and then these words come out of my mouth “nope I’m not ready for the competition, I’m pulling out”
How many competitions have I pulled out of when I’m feeling like this?
Because you know what? I’ll never feel ‘ready’ – even if I was hitting every single lift, every single time, I still wouldn’t feel ready. Even if everything was going exactly the way I thought it should be, I still wouldn’t feel ready. You see feeling ready and being ready are two very different things and yet the ‘feeling’ has way more impact than the ‘being’..
The ‘feeling ready’ is a mental thing, as a comp approaches I start getting the jitters, I approach lifts differently in training, telling Myself I HAVE to make this lift or I won’t be ready. No-one can tell me different, not my team-mates, not my Coach, no-one. In fact the only person that can change how I feel is Me. And that’s WAY easier said than done.
The fact is I set Myself a HUGE HUGE goal and then I put Myself under an immense amount of pressure to achieve it in just under a year. Long story short I want to qualify for The Masters Worlds Weightlifting Competition – to do this I need to hit a 95kg comp total – at the time I had a 72kg training total. So yeah, I dream big!! With a whole heap of time, work and laser focus I got my lifts were they need to be to qualify but what’s happened now is my mental game has gone to shit. The closer and more realistic my dream becomes the more pressure I’m putting on Myself and so..
My last 3-4 sessions I have missed an insane amount of ‘easy’ lifts. Getting more and more and more worked up until BOOM I don’t even want to lift anymore. MINUS CRAIC.
So now what?
Well I’ve decided I need to come to a screeching halt and get back to what’s important. The reason I started…I love the barbell,I love the platform.
I just love training.
Training for the fun, for the buzz, for the stress relief, for the laughs with my mates, for the epic fails and the even more epic hits!
I’d lost that the last few months, so obsessed with my goal – yeah we need goals, but not at the expense of our joy and love for the barbell and what we can do with it. I need to bounce back into the Gym again, tape up my thumbs, lash on the chalk and Snatch for the fun. Play around with complex’s, laugh at missed lifts, enjoy the process and enjoy the journey it’s taking me on. You know even writing this gives me that heart pounding, exciting buzz for just turning up and having fun – NO PRESSURE.
And so I’ve learned the hard way how losing the fun can affect you and I wanted to share with you in case you’re entering or your currently in a ‘downer’ with your training.
It could be your just not having fun anymore, you could be putting pressure on yourself, maybe life is just getting in the way right now. Whatever it is that’s stopping you doing it ‘for the fun’ kick that shit to the kerb. Without fun we may as well not train at all, there’s no point in doing something that doesn’t bring us joy, happiness, a few laughs.
I’d like to tell you that going into the gym and doing it ‘just for fun’ has revolutionized my training but I can’t – YET – why? Because only in writing this have I realised the joy I’ve taken from Myself, this blog was gonna be a big ass moan about how shit I feel, but, for me, writing is a kinda therapy and generally shows me the ‘way’.
I can promise you this – I will bounce into the gym tonight and I will train for fun.
I’ll keep you updated on how that feels!
Thanks for listening, Michelle X