A couple of questions for you:
When your friend gets a PR and it’s ‘better’ than where you’re currently at do you make excuses to yourself as to why your friend can do it and you can’t? I’ll give you some examples ‘she’s been doing it longer than me, she’s naturally good at running’ ‘of course she’s strong she weighs more than me’ ‘she’s not really strong she’s just light’
Is the first person you actually think about when you hear about the PR yourself? Do you immediately think ‘why can’t I do that’?
Welcome to being a human being! 😉
Welcome to the real world of having an ego and insecurities and doubts and concerns and a need to be good/better/even the best! It’s so normal to question yourself and your progress when the people around you shine – comparison is the thief of joy – Jayne wrote a great piece about this here and gives loads of great advice on how to avoid this.
Me…I’m going on a rant:
Whats starting to concern me is the worrying trend of people ‘competing’ with each other over kg’s on a barbell v kg’s on the scales and then with one- usually unintentional – foul swoop smashing other people’s confidence into the ground.
Let me explain..
If I hear one more person tell me I’m naturally good at gymnastics (Im not by the way) because I weigh ‘fuck all’ and that my strength is good ‘in relation to my bodyweight’ I’m going to scream. Imagine that was the other way round.. ‘oh wow girl you’re strong – but its because you weigh so much’ ‘don’t worry you will get good at gymnastics – if you lose some weight’ – hmmm not so great right?! Also, a less confident person could start to believe this stuff and doubt their own ability – do you really want to do that to someone?!
Let me give you an example of why this is so crazy:
- Me – I have a bodyweight Clean & Jerk
- Friend A – has a +13% bodyweight Clean & Jerk
- Friend B – has a +33% bodyweight Clean & Jerk
So without knowing how much we weigh who would you say is stronger?? Friend C? You’d be right! She is! She’s the strongest! BOOM! Now…would you walk up to her and say she’s stronger coz she weighs more – you can’t, you don’t know how much she weighs?! What if I told you that Friend A actually lifted less than me? Does that now make me stronger?? No…the answer is no but my point is with the absence of numbers we see logically and we CANT compare..
My point here is if we stopped getting so damn obsessed with who is the strongest – which is basically us just trying to feel better about ourselves – “she may have a bodyweight clean but she only weighs 54kg” then perhaps we could concentrate way more on our own goals, hopes, dreams and stop smashing others with a ‘it’s because your quads weigh 10kg you can lift more than me’ bullshit (I actually heard someone say that to a friend of mine!)
There is only one time that how much you lift in comparison to how much you weigh in comparison to how much someone else lifts in comparison to how much they weight actually matters – if you want to be a competitive weightlifter. You don’t wanna do that? It really doesn’t matter, no seriously…it really doesn’t matter!!!!
Let me tell you what happens when you stop comparing your abilities (and weight!) to those around you – you start to concentrate on what you’re doing, you set yourself personal goals, you get your own victories and you subsequently start feeling fucking awesome about yourself.
Then guess what happens…..
You GENUINELY jump, scream and cry with joy when you see your friends smash PR’s, lifetime goals and skills they’ve been trying to master. You RUN to your phone..possibly falling over your cat so you can send that OMG YOU ARE AMAZING text to your bestie who just smashed a PR unexpectedly and you don’t think once about yourself or how you fare in comparison – why?
Because LIFE is not a competition, competitions are competitions – you train day in and day out and you may choose to compete and that’s when you step up and try to win. But you will never ever win the battle of comparison to those around you because that’s not a competition – that’s a battle with your ego/insecurities and a possible lack of direction and goals in your own training.
You get to celebrate your friends wins full of the joy and happiness both they and you are feeling.. Like imagine being so caught up in yourself that you miss these gorgeous moments…..
So, to end this little rant..I would love all you girls out there to start a new hashtag when you post your PR’s – the hashtag is #juststrong
Because that’s what you are – you are strong, not because your heavy, not because your light, but because you are #JUSTSTRONG and that’s what we should celebrate!
If you cant break the cycle of comparison I highly, HIGHLY recommend you read Jaynes blog here – and then print it out and keep it in your pocket. Meanwhile say ‘well done’ not ‘well done, but’ next time your friends PR!
#theend #rantover #juststrong